Should I Leave My Marriage?
When we are deciding whether to stay or leave a marriage,
We are often paralyzed with indecision and anxiety,
Because we fear the pain of a breakup,
And yet we are miserable as things are.
We have to make a decision,
But the stakes are high
And we can't afford to get it wrong.
What I've found in my healing work with over 20,000 advisees is this -
Every high-stakes decision in our life is a tension between two forces:
The Expectations of Society
(from your family, parents, peers and overall culture)
Your Own Inner Desires
(what you actually love to do, care about and value in your life and soul)
And when we take a life path where we follow the expectations of society too much,
And at the cost of suppressing our actual inner desires and life vision,
We end up in a place where we are living a good, perhaps even comfortable life,
But we are still unhappy, because we have not fulfilled our own actual inner desires.
Even worse, we often don’t even remember what these desires even are anymore,
Since we have been trained to NOT ask ourselves what we actually want -
But only to fulfill the expectations of the people around us -
Parents, spouses, in-laws, coworkers and peers.
As a result, we feel profoundly stuck -
We feel desperately unfulfilled,
And yet are desperately fearful of "rocking the boat"
And risking our secure, comfortable lives.
On top of all this, we have a looming feeling that the longer we continue to suppress our actual inner desires,
The worse the tension will get until something inside of us "blows up anyway" -
Whether we are ready for it or not.
All the while, we also suffer the “signs of inner suppression and stalemate”:
A sudden loss of energy and inability to “get out of bed in the morning”, without a lot of coffee and brute force
Sudden, unexplained physical ailments - random little injuries, “clumsiness” and dropping things, or even a full-blown medical scare - to make us stop and get our attention
Feelings of paralysis and stuckness in life, where we are not satisfied with our life as it is, but feel powerless to change it
Anxiety attacks, feelings of clenching in the body, general “stress” and anger issues
Outright disruption and self-sabotage - in the form of job underperformance, extramarital affairs, substance abuse, food issues and many others
All these are powerful signs of being trapped in a life that is not right for you, and that the two forces within you -
The force for following the expectations of society,
And the force for following your own inner desires -
Both fully valid and reasonable -
Are in profound conflict -
Yes they are both reasonable, but they do not agree,
And they are not reconciled,
And yet they are equally powerful -
And so you are in a state of paralysis and stalemate.
How do we resolve a stalemate like this?
In the Life Decisions Program, we help you understand the exact reasons for the conflict of these two forces within you,
So that you can chart a balanced “middle way” between them,
In order to clear the stalemate and move forward in your life -
With full clarity and confidence and no more fear.
This is program I developed after years of working with over 20,000 advisees on this exact question of burnout and "inner stalemate"
And how to heal and resolve it once and for all.
The truth is that both sides within you are valid -
The side that wants to keep your comfortable life,
And the side that wants to fulfill your true life desires -
But they need to be balanced -
It does not work to only follow the expectations of society,
Or to only follow your inner desires.
But then the question is, HOW do we balance the two sides, safely and easily? ...and privately?
The Life Decisions Program will help you get to an altogether new level of clarity and confidence around your ideal life direction, in a fast, easy, and private manner.
To see a quick briefing on how it works, what you get, and how to get started, watch this 5 minute video (sound off is ok):
“The most common form of despair is not being who you are.”
― Søren Kierkegaard